A Pretty Good Day

We sang happy birthday to Vicky around 2 p.m. yesterday. She was awake and smiling. The room was jammed with people, which probably means we broke all the ICU rules but no one seemed to care.

The best part, however, was the fact that she got to have the device on her trach that allows her to be heard when she talks. The respiratory technician said he didn't think he could get one for her. I played on his guilt by saying it was her birthday and it would be so great if we could hear what she had to say on this important day. I also promised birthday cake. A short time later he told us she had the device on and could talk. What a great present.

When she was asleep we went into one of the family rooms to have cake and soda or pop as it's called here.

They finally took her for the CAT scan at 5:40 p.m. rather than 11 a.m. She wasn't gone long but they were able to drain 80 ccs of junk from the area around her spleen and they put in a drainage tube on each side of her belly to take more stuff out as it accumulates. The stuff they took out has gone to be cultured. We should know something by Monday afternoon at the latest. I hope this will help them get the right antibiotic for her. Then her infection will go away along with her fever and she can transfer back to acute care at Regency.

She wasn't nearly as lucid after the procedure. As always she asked to go home. I told her she wasn't well enough and she asked, "well then where will I sleep tonight?" Her brain is good some times and other times it's just very confused. The nurse was going to give her something to help her sleep.

Today Neil is going to stay home and get ready for our hot dog roast tonight. When Vicky and I were growing up we always roasted hot dogs in the family room fireplace on Sunday night during the winter. We also had baked beans and potato chips. So Neils going to gather all that good stuff so we can have another Sunday night hot dog roast. Afterall there is still snow on the ground so it must be winter. There is nothing better than a hot dog roasted over an open fire. The good part is the roasting sticks we will use came from our dad's house, so they are the ones we used as kids.

Kerry and I will have hospital duty today so I'd better get ready. Thank you again for all your prayers, good energy and positive thoughts.

Today Is My Sister's Birthday

For those of us who know how perilously close to death she came, it's also a celebration of her struggle to survive and surmount odds that were not in her favor. It may be bigger than her 60th birthday next year.

We are taking a sheet cake (store bought..no I'm not baking) to the ICU staff so they can enjoy it in their break room. We will bring another cake to Vicky's room for the family to have. No candles, but we can bring Mylar balloons.

Yesterday was a good day for her. She was much more lucid than the day before. Dialysis was first up, and she finished that without any problems. Then we had the best gift; they put the oxygen dome over the trach in her throat and turned off the ventilator. She was breathing on her own. We left at 7 last night and she had been breathing on her own for five hours.

I spent a lot of time yesterday educating her nurses on the importance of giving her the anxiety medication on time. They were quite late on a dose and poor Vicky suffered for it. Yesterday I spent some time telling her about all the machines around her. Don't know if any of it stuck but I think it's less fearsome when she knows those things. I also read her the numbers off the monitor, particularly when she was off the vent. I'd read her heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen level and number of breaths per minute. Then I would tell her that those were perfect numbers, which they were.

The doctors and Neil met to talk about the spinal tap and decided against it for now. Instead they are going to aspirate some of the liquid in her belly that has accumulated around her spleen. In the search for the cause of her on again/off again fever plus high white cell count (25,000 yesterday) they believe that liquid might be the source. They want to get some of it, culture it and then see if they can determine a better course of antibiotics. That's happening this morning at 11 a.m.

It's still cold and miserable here; there's still snow on the ground and the wind is blowing. Vicky's son Adam has been working near Duluth; he barely made it home yesterday due to blizzarding conditions. Adam told me that Lake Superior and the Duluth area are called the "Norwegian Riviera." That's probably another Ole and Lena joke. Those jokes are quite popular here with the folks who have spent their lives in the cold Midwest.

Well, I'm going to go scramble some eggs for the men and then head to the store to get supplies for the party. Thank you once again for all your prayers and good thoughts. You are wonderful, caring people. We wouldn't be where we are without you.

Another Rock and Roll Day

Today it rained, snowed, sleeted and the wind blew like the dickens. Kerry got a real taste of Minnesota winter in April...and the reason I decided to leave the state for good in March 1968.

We had highs and lows today. The highs: her blood pressure and oxygen level are great. She is breathing much slower than yesterday.

The lows: her anxiety attacks take a huge bite out of her life. They are finally giving her atavan and dilaudid on a regular basis to manage the attacks rather than dealing with them after they happen. Those attacks are brought on by coughing which causes the pressure to change on the vent which sets off alarms. Then the nurse suctions the vent; she doesn't like that at all.

The EEG and MRI results are in; both are worse than they were last time. The neurologist, Dr. Fred Taylor (I like him because he carries a black bag like the doctors of old carried when they made house calls) said her brain is functioning very slowly. He talked about her cortex, which is the stuff that looks like cottage cheese. He doesn't know why. He has recommended a spinal tap or as they call it, a lumbar puncture. He says she isn't critical and her platelet count is good so the risk is low. That will be done tomorrow.

The troubling part is that her temperature is normal but her white cell count is even higher than the 19,000 yesterday. At some point they may have to do a bone marrow test to find out why.

Today the ICU doctor was talking about getting ready to transfer her back to the critical care facility. The neurologist seemed pretty surprised by that. They did have her sit in a chair today for nearly an hour. She also got her hair washed. I think she really liked that. The EEG people had put a bunch of gunk in her hair for the test. Of course they didn't stick around to clean her hair afterward.

So, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I do like the fact that people talk about her as non-critical. That is wonderful. Meanwhile we are planning her birthday party in ICU. There will be a cake and Mylar balloons but no lighting of candles (oxygen in the area could ignite the whole ICU). So that's it for today. I'm exhausted but feel good about being able to comfort her.

Another Curve Ball

Just as we landed in Minneapolis yesterday, Neil got a call that Vicky had had a seizure. It wasn't the shaking kind, it was the type where she just was gone for about 5 minutes. Luckily one of her doctors was checking on her when it happened. Otherwise we might not have known what was going on. The neurologist came to see us. She had an EEG yesterday and is having an MRI as I write. She's back on the vent so getting her to and into the MRI is not easy. They may decided to do a spinal tap although the neurologist said that would be his last thing to try because every time you put a hole, even a teeny tiny one, you risk more infection.

The strange thing is that her temperature is normal but her white cell count as of yesterday morning was 19,000. A high normal count for you and I would be 11,000. He said normally you would think of cancer but not with what has happened to her. He kept using the word "sepsis."

She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw me. Her anxiety level is way over the top. She can't talk right now because she is on the vent, but I could read her lips, "I want to go home." I wish I could just climb into her bed and hold her but there are far to many tubes and lines to make that possible.

I discovered that putting my hand on the top of her head near her forehead and holding her hand is comforting to her. Then I tell her that she is safe. Usually she falls asleep in a few minutes. I'm glad she is awake, but it is so hard to look into those beseeching eyes and know I can't do what she wants.

She has been coughing on the vent which sets off alarms and then the nurse comes in to suction her out. She hates this. Yesterday her face turned all red; I thought she was going to spring out of the bed with anxiety while they were suctioning her. The respiratory therapist said that Vicky pinched her when she did it a bit earlier.

Her heart rate is still in the low 120s and they are having trouble maintaining her blood pressure due to the Atavan they are giving her for anxiety. Her oxygen level, however, is 100 percent. That is great.

So we are heading to the hospital in a little bit. She has the MRI and dialysis this morning so we don't want to get there too early. She is usually pretty tired after dialysis. They tried to do it yesterday, but about an hour into it her numbers started going down so they stopped. Her urine output is about 10 ccs an hour, which is better than the 10 ccs a day she was doing. Also, the color is better.

My job today is to wash her hearing aide mold and get it back in her ear. Neil tried yesterday but couldn't get it in; we could tell he were hurting her. I talked to my brother last night. He wears a hearing aide in addition to his cochlear implant. He told me to put a small bit of Vaseline in her ear so it will slip in easier. I'm going to try that today when she's awake.

It's supposed to snow today. In fact they are predicting a blizzard. Mother Nature obviously doesn't know it's April 10.

Lump Is Nothing To Worry About

As far as I know the lump on her liver is nothing; at least that's what the ultrasound people told Neil. Her temperature is coming down and so is her heart rate. Her heart rate is still pretty scary to me.

Kerry and I fly to Minneapolis tomorrow for a week long visit that includes her birthday on Saturday, April 12. She will be 59. There were a few days in the past month when I didn't think she would see 59.

She is still in the Methodist Hospital ICU; no date to take her back to acute care.

Found out from my brother that the acute care facility used to be the Glenwood Hills Psychiatric Hospital. Our mother spent a fair number of days there; her demons would overcome her and my brother and sister would have her committed until they could find our father who was always away on business trips when these demons arrived in her head. I was busy living my life in various places; all of them outside of Minnesota so never visited Glenwood Hills.

Richard says the place has been fixed up a lot; the one part they didn't change he said is a beautiful room off a garden and lake. That was the last place he saw our mother alive. She killed herself the day after she got out of Glenwood Hills the last time. That was 33 years ago.

The heart quilt I made is her birthday gift. I'm hoping we can hang it on the wall of the ICU and then the acute care facility.

Pictures From My Garden

Not Good News

Vicky is back at Methodist Hospital ICU after just two days at the acute care facility. Yesterday her heart rate shot up to 140 and her white cell count was very high also. The acute care facility made the call that she needed to go back to the hospital. It was the right decision.

Last night they did a CAT scan and MRI. This morning we found out they saw a lump on her liver. They will do an ultrasound today or tomorrow to get a better look at it.

The whole family is feeling pretty discouraged. This is a giant step backward. Keep praying and doing anything else that will send her positive energy. She really needs it now.

Her Physical Health Is Good....

Vicky has been at the acute care facility for about a day. My brother is visiting this weekend so I was able to get his report on how she is doing. He echoed what I had been hearing from Neil. She is very confused, doesn't always understand why she's where she is and is very anxious.

She recognized our brother this morning but then later in the day asked who he was. Worst of all she asked my brother who the other man was; it was her husband.

Today she was breathing on her own; they closed up the trach with a little thing sort of like a cork. She could speak through her mouth rather than through the amplifier they had on the trach. She does not have any IVs, which is fabulous and she can move her arms. When she needs meds they are either given by injection or orally through her nasal tube.

Big event tomorrow is having her sit up on the edge of the bed and dangle her feet. I hope they hold on to her because she tried to escape once before.

My brother says it's much harder to be with her when she is awake. Today she asked about people who have been dead for more than 25 years. When told they were dead she said she remembered that.

I really want to be there with her, but I'm worried about how to deal with some really hard stuff. I'm considering bringing some family pictures so we can talk about them. I want to find a way to have a dialogue, limited though it may be, with her rather than just re-identifying who I am.

Once again, Kerry will be there to help me through this process. Vicky really likes him so I'm hoping she will recognize him.

Vicky, At Long Last, Has Left The ICU

Here's a note from Neil:

Hi everyone,

Last night, Dr. Marino gave me the good news that Vicky can be moved to Regency, the acute care facility. This morning, I got the call from the social worker at Methodist Hospital that it will happen around noon (CDT). She will have spent 58 days in the hospital, 53 days in ICU. She has been very anxious to leave the last couple of days.

I will let you know how the move goes. Thank you all for your prayers, well wishes and help (food).

Love, Neil

It's Never Too Early To Plan....

For Christmas. This is the cruise ship (Holland American Lines Oosterdam) we will board on Dec. 27th in San Diego for a glorious week of sun and fun on the Mexican Riviera (Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas). Kerry's sister found the cruise and a great price ($1400 per person) and we get a balcony. She is an excellent shopper. His part of the family will all be there.

The last cruise I took was in 1974. I was married to my ex-husband. I'm not sure how we ended up on the cruise, but it left from Miami and cruised some great spots in the Caribbean, well except for Haiti. I think we were the youngest people on the cruise by about 30 years. There was a priest at our table. Not sure how he got there.


Last Christmas we talked about doing something really different in 2008. Kerry's nephew and his wife were in Cancun; we all said, why aren't we there too?

I have been to all of the cities on the cruise just not on a cruise ship. Doesn't matter, I will enjoy it all and bring along my Imodium AD and Cipro just in case. In fact my ex-husband and I spent our first honeymoon in Mazatlan. He got really sick. The second time I married him (slow learner) we honeymooned in Cabo San Lucas.

Now Kerry and I will be able to enjoy the wonderful cruise and the places we will stop. I woke up this morning not even thinking about Christmas and here I am writing about a cruise. Just shows you never know what the day will bring. That's the great thing about life.

Vicky's Choice...And The Answer Is...

Today was sort of a milestone for Vicky. She got to taste something; notice I didn't say drink something. At first she requested V-8 juice, which is something she drinks at work. I was happy to hear that she remembered what she drank at work. But then she decided on Diet Coke. Neil bought some, put a bit on a sponge and rubbed it around her lips. He did that three times. Each time her tongue wiped the liquid clean and she tasted something for the first time in nearly eight weeks.

Now the question for all of you is; after nearly eight weeks without tasting anything, what would you have requested? No need to be serious about this. I think a pomegranate martini would be at the top of my list.

She did very well with her breathing today; she also demonstrated how much she wants out of the ICU. She was in her chair after dialysis and she managed to undo the seat belt and was trying to get out of the chair. That would have been a disaster. Luckily one of the nurses looked in on her and thought that doesn't look right; Vicky did not pass go and did not collect $200, she went back to bed. I love to see this determination from her.

I'm not sure I understand the bleeding thing that Neil wrote about last night. Surgery and radiology conferred and decided they didn't need to do surgery. No shit Sherlock; I won't let those folks open her up a fourth time. They took her off the heparin, which should help, and are going to put something in a main artery to catch a clot should it break loose. That's my non-medical understanding.

A Small Step Backward

Another message from Neil:

I was hoping to let you all know that Vicky had been transferred to Regency hospital, but she is still at Methodist. She had a low grade fever on Friday so the doctors didn't want to move her until they could bring that down with antibiotics. I did not see her on Saturday as I came down with some kind of stomach bug.

According to her nurses, Vicky threw up on Saturday afternoon. They stopped her nose feeding and placed a drain line in her nose instead. She had a CT scan today as her stomach felt firmer and they found she had a pocket of blood collecting between her stomach and her stoma. This caused her intestines to stop and back up into her stomach.

She was very tired when I saw her today. She had been breathing with the tracheotomy dome most of the day, has a good heart beat and blood pressure plus her fever is gone. So we have one more delay.

The doctor on duty today thinks that she should be better by the end of the week. Everyone in the ICU wants to see her go because she has been a miracle in the making.

Again, I want to thank you all for your prayers and good wishes.

Love, Neil

She Didn't Get Transferred Yesterday

She had a low-grade fever so the hospital didn't want to release her.

This is a picture of my wonderful sister with our brother, Richard. It was taken in Albuquerque three years ago when the family gathered to celebrate my 60th birthday.

I thought you should have a picture of the person for whom you have been praying. She still needs those prayers.

Once again yesterday she was mad as hell. She wants to go home and doesn't understand why Neil won't take her there. I think we are seeing some of the brain damage the doctors told us she has. I hate the fact that she has brain damage; she deserves so much more than what has happened to her.

She had dialysis yesterday, which really tires her out, so luckily she slept a lot of the rest of the day. We will see just how mad she is over the weekend.

They will try for a transfer on Monday.

The Beginning Of My Latest Creation

The pattern is called "twisted bargello." I took a class about ten days ago to learn how to do this type of quilt. Once I got started I just had to keep going until I finished this part. There are 20 fabrics and 1,751 pieces in this quilt top. The smallest piece is 3/4 inch by 1.5 inches.

I still need to add two borders. I'm going to Cabin Fever Quilt Shoppe tomorrow to have them help me pick out those fabrics. I want something quite plain so they don't distract from the main part of the quilt.

These are the colors in our bedroom. Once it's finished, it will hang on the wall directly behind our bed. That wall has been blank for nearly five years. Every time I walk in the room I think, that spot needs something. I didn't want anything heavy there that would fall on us during the night; a quilt is light and perfect.

I have lots of other projects so I'm on to the next one.

Great News About Vicky

A note from Vicky's husband Neil:

Hi everyone:

The weeks have passed by with Vicky in the hospital. Last week, as the sedatives wore off, she opened her eyes. She was still glazed over and it took another week for her to realize where she was. On Good Friday, she tried to talk, but with the respirator in her throat, she could not make any sound. She has run the gambit of joy and sadness as she has become aware of her situation. On Saturday and Sunday, she got to sit in a special chair and had some breathing test to help her get off the respirator. It made for a great Easter, thus our miracle. I greatly believe that all of the many prayers said on her behalf have been answered.

Today, I got great news from Dr. Moreno, her ICU doctor. She is well enough to be transfer to Regency Hospital, where she will receive respiratory and physical therapy. Regency is in Golden Valley, behind the Courage Center. It is a small hospital, only two floors, that specializes in acute care. The average stay is around 35 days. They can do dialysis and they also have an ICU unit. They can handle most medical emergencies, should they occur. The best thing is that they have free parking, something unheard of nowadays. She will be transferred on Friday, March 28, after 45 days in ICU and52 days at Methodist Hospital.

I will be with Vicky all day on Friday and will let you all know how she is after the transfer.

Keep your prayers and good thoughts coming.

Love, Neil

Introducing The Kitten

I have no idea how old she is or where she came from, but here she is in all of her black and white glory.

She Sat In A Chair Yesterday

Yes, it's true. The chair was a recliner that could accommodate all of the stuff that pokes into and out of her. The chair flattens out right next to her bed and then they move all the linens, tubes and Vicky directly to the chair. Then they moved her to a more upright position.

She tolerated sitting very well although she had to be propped up with lots of pillows. She was also off the ventilator twice yesterday. She is too weak to squeeze Neil's hand.

Today they are going to attach something to the tracheotomy so she can talk. That will be a huge relief because Neil says she is mouthing words but he doesn't read lips. My brother does but he's back home in Evergreen, CO. Neil did understand one question she mouthed "How long?" He assumed she meant how long has she been in ICU. When he told her she cried. Breaks my heart to hear this.

Today she will have another echocardiogram and some kind of look at her esophagus. Her temperature is back to normal after giving her antibiotics.

Still no date to move her to Long Term Acute Care. She has been accepted at the facility closest to Neil's house.

Meanwhile Kitten Vicky is surviving but wobbly. The feedings during the night brought back memories of how tired I was when Mark was still feeding every four hours round the clock. Right now she is in a sling I fashioned out of a shawl. She seems calmer when she's close to me.

Thank you Dykewife for the tip on getting a kitten to pee and poop. It worked. I never would have thought of it. If you are wondering what it is, just read Dykewife's comment on my blog from Saturday.

We celebrate Easter in sort of a different way. Saturday is the horseshoe tournament at our neighbors Kevin and Vicky. Sunday is brunch at our other neighbors Richard and Hillary.

But we had a special treat today when we got home from Vicky and Kevin's, we discovered a very young kitten (oxymoron) in our driveway. We have lots of feral cats in the area. So today one of the babies of a feral cat found our driveway and refused to accept anything but unconditional help from us.

I've never cared for a kitten who probably had not been weaned. It was too late to go to PetSmart to get the kitten milk so we made do with half and half with water warmed to a nice mother-type temperature. We also built a den for the kitty that included a heating pad under a bunch of towels.

I will be up at two hour intervals tonight to feed her; yes I think it's a girl. I found some old syringes (minus the needles) that we used with our late Golden Retriever Emily. They are great for feeding teeny tiny kittens.

Tomorrow I'm off to PetSmart to get the kitten formula. It seems sort of right to have a new baby when the rest of life seems intent on taking away life. My sister is still doing okay; she loved rescuing cats so I'm sure she would love this one too. I think I'll name her Vicky. Our two cats were really curious about the new kitty. They wanted to climb into her den but I wasn't sure what they would do.

So I'll be mothering all night. I just want her alive in the morning. She is a noisy little thing.

Not A Great Day

Just heard from Vicky's husband; news is not great. She has brain damage from lack of oxygen, she has blood clots in both legs and she has an infection of some kind that is causing a fever in the 100-101 range.

I had been thinking about the brain damage thing; don't know why. I do know that in some of the darkest moments the CO2 level in her blood was very high. Brains don't need CO2; they need oxygen. The brain damage may be why she is not responding to people now that she is awake. According to Neil the doctors think this can be fixed in therapy; I take that to mean that they can teach another part of her brain to do what the damaged part did. Don't know for sure.

The blood clots have me worried too. Her lungs could not handle having those clots move upward in her body. She is on heparin (Creamy Silver: I guess some people can get it) to clear the clots.

There is some good news: she is making more urine, the new way they are doing dialysis (three times a week for four hours each time) is working; she seems to be trying to form words but with the vent she cannot speak; and when the nurses were re-arranging pillows to move her into another position, she lifted her right arm to help them.

Tomorrow her son Mike is bringing grandbaby Max up to see her. If anything will impact her it will be seeing Max. She adores him.

So don't stop praying. It's not over yet.

A Good Question From A Favorite Blogger

"How are you?" That was from Creamy Silver. I was taken aback at first and then I realized that she had asked an important question. I have been so focused on my sister's well being that I have sublimated my own health and welfare. Our parents have been dead for a long time so I think of myself as the matriarch of the family. There is a lot of responsibility that goes with that, at least in my mind.

The short answer is that I'm okay; the long answer is that I think about her all the time. The good part is I had a great dream last night where she was sitting up in bed talking to me. That was far better than the dream the night before when I was trying to board a flight to London and couldn't find the gate. I hate those kind of dreams.

To take care of myself I have immersed myself in Kerry and in quilting. I had an all-day quilting class last Friday and Saturday. On Sunday Kerry and I went to a quilt show in a neighboring county. The woman taking our money looked at Kerry, then looked at me and said, "would he be here without you?" I said no and she said then I will only charge you for one person. Quilters are wonderful. They lost out on $6 but they knew they would have lost out on that if he hadn't come. I promised to buy him lunch; we ate at Red Robin (it was Yuba City after all; the one decent restaurant in town, City Cafe, is closed on Sundays).

I have not gotten my hair cut or colored. I thought I would do that right away but somehow it doesn't seem important. It's spring here which is great for my spirit.

I'm working on a quilt called "Twisted Bargello." You need 1,715 squares for the quilt. It's not as torturous as it sounds but it does take some concentration.

My badge of honor as a quilter was acquired on Sunday at the quilt show. I now have my scissors attached to me with one of those cords that reels in and out. I'm always looking for my scissors so this really helps.

The one thing I haven't done yet for myself is get back on the treadmill. I need to do that for my lungs, heart and blood pressure. I tried today but my lungs would not cooperate.

Anyway, that's the best I can do on taking care of myself. Thanks Creamy Silver for asking.

More Good News; It's Boring But I Love It

A report from Neil.

A number of milestones were reached today.

1. She breathed on her own with pressure support from the respirator for 8 hours; she had physical therapy at the same time. She did not like the leg lifts.

2. She is off the continuous dialysis. The renal (kidney) doctors will put a new cathetor in her on Wednesday and will start her on regular dialysis. She will have this 3 times a week for about 4 hours at a time.

3. She is going to be recommended for transitional care. She will be checked on either Tuesday or Wednesday and be recommended to go to Regency in Golden Valley or Bethesda in St. Paul. These hospitals partner with Methodist to take patients that need respiratory and physical therapy.

She has been opening her eyes and has winced some when she feels pain. These are good signs. I expect that more breathing exercises will be done over the next couple of days. All of the staff at Methodist ICU are just thrilled at her recovery.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Love, Neil

Another News Flash

Today they took Vicky off the ventilator for short periods of time and she seemed to breath on her own pretty well. They will continue to do that for short periods so they can finally get her off the thing. Her eyes were open a lot today so they put in her hearing aid in which they had placed new batteries. Neil said he stood right over her and his his most stentorian voice said her name and his. No response. She is still pretty heavily sedated. One of the nurses said she smiled last night. Making lots of drool which they suction out of her mouth. She doesn't like that and bites down on the tube.

Dr. Sue Ravenscraft, who is the Director of ICU, came by as Neil was leaving tonight. She commented on how strong Vicky is. That is an understatement. Despite their attempts to inadvertently kill her, she is still alive. You go girl!

Late Breaking Bulletin

She opened her eyes. They were glazed but open. The pain killer she's on, Propofol, allows some awareness at the same time keeping her pain level down. Stay tuned for the next bulletin.

How Many Ways Can You Say "Good News"

More good news from the ICU. Doctors removed her final chest tube today and nothing bad happened. Her vent setting is down to 35% oxygen plus the rhythm of her setting has changed to a more normal breathing just like you would have if you were asleep, which she still is. With all these changes her blood gases remained normal. The Versed is totally gone and they have reduced the Propifol slightly.

Nothing much will happen over the weekend. She has two nurses that she has had many times: Kent at night and Lori during the day.

Neil thinks they may wake her up next week. I hope so.

The nurses told us that they had seen miracles; people who never should have made it out of ICU come back to thank them for the good care. Vicky is a miracle and so is the prednisone that made that miracle possible.

Once again Neil wants me to tell all of you how much he appreciates your positive energy, prayers, Reiki and anything else you are sending.

I had a quilting class today where I learned a Korean way of folding fabric called Chopkey. Tomorrow I'm taking another class called "Twisted Bargello." Gotta make up for two weeks of not quilting.

Sunday I'm going to a quilt show in a neighboring county. Life is good.

Good News Again

Just heard from Neil. Vicky is down to 1 mg of Versed and has her vent adjusted to 40% oxygen. Tomorrow the final chest tube will come out. The renal doc says her kidneys have a 75-80% chance of recovering. I wish it was 100% but I'll take what we can get.

Neil went to the auto show today, which was great. He needs to take care of himself by doing things that please him. He promised me he would stay healthy.

That's all for tonight. I'm in quilt classes for the next two days. That's how I take care of myself. Tonight we are having stew in the crock pot. Yummy.

A Good News Bulletin About Vicky

From Neil:

"Today was another good day. The Versed sedative, a derivative of Valium, has been turned down to 2 mg/hr and Vicky has been displaying good vitals. The doctors removed one of the chest tubes from around her lungs. This was put in weeks ago to vent air that was leaking from her lungs. The lungs have sealed up and there is no air build up in her chest cavity. They will clamp off the other tube tomorrow and, if there are no problems, remove it on Friday. Dr. Ravenscroft was very happy at her progress and Dr. Willis (the surgeon) observed her wound as it was being redressed this afternoon.

I also met one of the social workers who will be helpful when Vicky moves on from the ICU.

Heidi (our cousin) visited with me and we had a good talk.

As good as the results have been, our girl has a ways to go yet. Dr. Ravenscroft wants to get some better numbers on the respirator before Vicky is awakened. I can only hope that by next week she will be looking at us and then freak out when she is told what has happened to her over the last 5 weeks.
Thank you all for your love and support. It has been a great comfort to me."

Food Glorious Food

Nothing to report on Vicky. She is still making progress, but slowly.

So I'm switching topics. I watched a lot of HGTV and the Food Network while I was in Minneapolis. Both channels are sort of soothing and mind numbing. Neil would retire to his bedroom to watch what he wanted.

Anyway, one day Adam (Vicky and Neil's son and my nephew) and I were watching Paula Dean on the Food Network. I love to listen to her talk. But this episode she made something that was so over the top I just had to write about it: deep-fried Mac and Cheese. I'm not kidding. The recipe is on her web site. To make this dish even fattier. She wraps each square of Mac and Cheese in bacon which she secures with a toothpick. Then she rolls it in flour, egg, and bread crumb. Then it's into a deep fryer filled with peanut oil for about three minutes.

At this point Adam and I were drooling. It looked so good. I stole the picture from her web site. Adam is going to culinary school in the fall so he's really a foodie. He makes the most amazing meatloaf.

I'm feeling almost back to normal. I went out today and bought some fabric for a class I'm taking on Saturday. I went to the grocery store; then decided I was too tired to tackle the library. I came home and napped for two hours.

Neil is still doing what I did...sitting in the ICU. It is so stressful. I didn't fully realize that until I wasn't there. I have quilting classes all day Friday and Saturday. Then I will figure out when to return to Vicky's room in the ICU.

A Good Bulletin Just In From ICU

I just got this from Vicky's husband:

"Vicky has had another good day. The Versed sedative has been turned down to 6 mg and she seems to be handling it well. Everything else today was routine. Dr. Willis (the surgeon) came in to look at her stomach wound and says that it looks good and is healing properly. Erin, the pregnant nurse with the spring heel shoes, took care of Vicky this afternoon and told me that Dr. Ravenscroft will be trying to remove one of the chest tubes on Wednesday. That's the short and sweet of it."

I Came Home To Spring

These are not the exact flowers blooming outside my sewing room window, but they are as close to the color of my Gerbera Daisies as I could get. My daffodils are nearly all in bloom. Tiny buds are showing on the trees and every flowering tree in the area is in bloom. Nice way to come home. It's going to be 73 today.

Vicky had an uneventful day yesterday. She is tolerating the slow removal of the Versed which is good. She tried to breathe over her ventilator a couple of times but the nurse just increased her Propofol (pain med) and she stopped.

The head of ICU came to see us yesterday to talk about what she wants to do next: remove Vicky's chest tubes if there are no more leaks; tweak the vent settings to see if she can do more on her own and discontinue the continuous dialysis in favor of three times a week. The latter depends on her blood pressure staying stable. Apparently the dialysis is playing a role in that. Yesterday she again made more urine on her own so we are hopeful.

Once the Versed is gone from her body they will put in her hearing aids and see if she can follow some simple commands. I did see her eye lids flutter a couple of times yesterday. She's in there. Also, she is tolerating being moved.

The doctors are stunned by her recovery. According to her chest x-ray she should not be doing this well. They have decided to stop using the chest x-ray as a determinant in her treatment. They would like to do a CAT scan, but it just isn't possible to get her to the CAT scan right now even though it's on the same floor as ICU. She doesn't like to be bagged and they would have to do that for quite a while to do the scan.

I realized once again last night how much I hate to fly. I was in a middle seat on a completely full flight. Got to bed about 1 a.m. PDT which is 3 a.m. CDT. I'm going back to bed. I have my book group tonight so gotta get some rest.

No Post This Evening

At 9:15 CDT I will be sitting in seat 14B on a non-stop Northwest flight to Sacramento. We are going to the hospital in a bit and then Neil will take me to the airport about 7.

We have heard nothing from the hospital to indicate that she has worsened. I'll post tomorrow. Thank you again for all your support. It means a lot to the family.

Today Was A Really Good Day

The doctors are astounded by her progress. They said that steroids are not supposed to work in these cases. That's the only change they made.

She is off the paralytic; blood pressure meds are gone, vent is down to 55, they have her on a new pain med and are weaning her off the versed she has been on. Versed (accent on the second syllable) is a powerful drug that is often used on patients in ICU who are on ventilators. It relaxes them so the vent can do it's job. It also causes amnesia so she won't remember anything that has happened. Her blood Ph is 7.2 and her CO2 level is down to 74 from a high of 125.

She should be off the versed totally by Wednesday afternoon. Then they want to see if she can follow simple commands. Her husband will have to be there for that because she is hearing impaired. Even with her hearing aids in her ears she will do better hearing his voice which is very deep and loud.

Last Tuesday I really thought she would be dead by now. She is by no means out of the woods. We don't know how effective her lungs will be in transferring oxygen to her blood and her kidneys are still barely functioning.

But the fact that one of those poles that they hang bags of medicine on is gone from her room is proof to me that we have hope. They also removed the EEG monitor from her forehead and the screen for that is gone as well. Now that she's not on the paralytics we don't have to worry about her being under medicated for pain.

I'm going home tomorrow night feeling a whole lot better than I did when I arrived nearly two weeks ago.

Again, thank you for all your prayers, Reiki and energy. We would not be where we are without all of you.

It's Almost Boring

Even though things are going well, I still have this feeling in my gut every time a doctor walks by or a machine beeps. She is doing well. I won't bore you with the stats. She just seems to be tolerating whatever they do.

The sad news in ICU today was the death of a 44-year-old woman. She died of complications of the flu. Her teenage son looked so sad. I'm amazed that while all this sadness is happening, the staff continues to care for the rest of the patients. I guess you have to do that to work there.

Her nurse last night, Kevin, reorganized all the poles on which her meds hang. This means that we can approach her from either side of the bed. Also it makes the whole scene look less foreboding.

My brother goes home Sunday afternoon and I go home Monday night. Of course, all of this could change in a heart beat, but for now I feel calmer.

The family came for dinner tonight. I made pot roast in the slow cooker. Lots of folks had seconds. And grand baby Max at my leftover Mac and Cheese. Made me so happy.

My brother and I went to Whole Foods so he could get some vegan things to eat for dinner. We also bought fresh guacamole and chips but then forgot it in our cart after buying his vegan stuff.
But I did get to finish his vinegar and salt kettle chips because when he read the ingredients he found out that they had lactose in them. Vegans don't eat lactose. Score one for the non-vegans.

That's all for tonight. My brother is at the hospital early tomorrow because he has an afternoon flight. We will probably get there in the early afternoon. I haven't had any Imodium since Thursday so I guess I must be doing better mentally.

Thank you again for all your prayers, Reiki and energy. It is most definitely helping.

Another Uneventful Day

Her numbers were good today: vent turned down to 70%, oxygen level at 97%, blood pressure good, weaning her slowly off the paralytic drug, making more urine on her own and she tolerated having another central line put in plus being moved.

The additional central line was needed so they can do blood tests. The flaw in all of this, which is a big flaw, is that her CO2 levels are still in the 80s pretty much unchanged over the past few days. She is tolerating the feeding which means she's getting some highly concentrated nutrition plus amino acids to help heal her wound.

I'm hoping we are seeing the impact of the steroids.

One of our cousins, Chris, came to visit her. Unfortunately my brother and I weren't there. I'm sure it was a shock to see her like this. I wish we had been there to help him see what is happening. But now he knows where she is so hopefully he and his siblings will stop by occasionally. It's just good to know that she has someone there from time to time.

I'm feeling much better thanks to the Imodium AD. Nothing like letting the nutrition stay in your body for a while.

So, keep those prayers, good thoughts and Reiki coming. There is a tiny ray of hope, and we are clinging to it for all we are worth.

Another Uneventful Day For Vicky

Nothing good or bad happened today. She just remained stable. The lung doctor said that we would know in 24-48 hours if the prednisone would do anything. I sort of wish he hadn't given it a time frame. Now I'm fixated on Sunday.

It's great to have my brother here. He brought me lunch today from Whole Foods. He's a vegan so it was an eclectic mixture. A vegan cordon bleu (weird but tasty), a raw golden beet salad (yuck) and a spinach, garlic clove, raisin and pine nut salad (yummy) and two raspberry chocolate vegan cupcakes (delicious). He has promised lunch tomorrow, without the beets.

I think I'm becoming an ICU junky. The newspaper reporter in me just can't stand not to know what is happening around me. The biggest news today was the woman next door to Vicky who arrived via helicopter on the roof. She came from Redwood Falls, MN. No idea what happened but she doesn't look good.

Max, Mike and Minna visited today. Little Max (nearly three) really lights up the place. He has cars that are characters from the movie "Cars." He and his dad know a lot of the dialogue and act out scenes from the movie. I think the nurses enjoyed the lighter moments when Max was there.

When Max leaves he looks at Vicky and says, "Nana go night night." Sort of breaks my heart.

Went out for Thai food tonight. I think it was Neil's first Thai food ever. So now he's eaten butternut squash and Thai food while I'm here. We are moving his taste buds forward one step at a time.

Adam (Neil and Vicky's youngest son) comes home tomorrow night from the Duluth area where he's painting. It will be nice to have him here.

I finally got my Imodium AD and am feeling much better. That's all the news from Lake Wobegon.

Blissfully Boring Except For My Stomach

My stomach seems to know long before I do what my mental status is. I need to buy some Imodium AD. Okay, that was pretty graphic but it's what life is like right now.

The good thing today is that nothing happened; it was neither good nor bad. This morning the herd of doctors descended on her room. They would probably be offended by the "herd" comment, but it's true. The docs decided to put her on steroids. We have nothing to lose. Of course, then her blood pressure was out of whack but we knew that was going to happen so they turned up her blood pressure meds.

She is tolerating being physically turned, at least for now. The challenge now is that any statement I make at this moment in time could be cancelled out by whatever electrical impulse she has.

Our brother arrived today which is really helpful. He can't stay with us because he's allergic to cats. He's over at cousin Dennis' house. And tonight Neil's brother Tom arrived and stayed after we left. That was really wonderful. It's not easy to be in that room but he knew that his brother needed him to be there.

The kindness of people both here and in the Ethernet goes a long ways toward making this tolerable. I thank all of you; keep praying. I need to get some rest.

A Very Hard Day

Things are not looking good here. Today the lung doctor, her husband and I had what they call a "care conference." That's where you discuss what to do if she codes. Neil is such an optimist; I know it was so hard for him to hear what the doctor had to say. He agreed to a do not resuscitate (DNR).

They are having trouble controlling just about everything. She is so fragile that just moving her in the bed to prevent pressure sores sets off all the alarms.

The problem is really with her lungs. They are just not working very well; about 35%, which is way too little.

So we need even more prayers than you have been sending. My brother is arriving tomorrow about noon.

To compound all this sadness I found out tonight that a dear friend of ours committed suicide. I was speechless when I found out. The sheriff's possee found him in the woods about 300 yards from the house he and his wife shared. They are wonderful people. Margo, his wife, is devastated. She is a breast cancer survivor. I have no idea why this happened. Then a wonderful woman from my Red Hat group died this week as well.

What is wrong with the universe. I wish the news was better but it's not. No one has given up but we are worried that Vicky does not have anymore strength to continue to fight.

Another Day In The ICU

Tomorrow night will be the end of Vicky's third week in the ICU. Not something I want to celebrate, but I am glad she is still with us.

Today was another good day. The herd of doctors descended on her room about noon to look appropriately serious and gloomy. I've decided that this is how most male doctors look. They decided to return her respirator to the setting it was on before surgery; this is a big deal because it is less hard on her lungs. She's also down to 70% oxygen from 100%.

She tolerated the change very well. Her blood gasses continue to be good, her blood is no longer acidic and her CO2 level continues to drop. Even her glucose tests have been good so no insulin today.

I had to sign a consent form for them to move her feeding tube deeper into her gut so it's right near the entrance to her small intestines. She had been throwing up some of what she was being fed. She needs the nutrition so this will do the trick. They brought in this huge machine (a fluoroscope) to guide the process of getting the tube into the right place. Kerry and I stepped out. Besides I don't think there was space for us in her room. The dietitian came by and suggested a change in nutrition to something that has amino acids that will speed her wound recovery. That will start tomorrow about noon.

It's amazing how many specialists are caring for her. She has a respiratory therapist, a physical therapist, an acute care dietitian, a renal doctor, a lung doctor, her original surgeon, ICU nurses, radiologists and many more. She doesn't know anything about any of this. But her family is very thankful for all of them.

Her blood pressure is stabilized with very little medication. Her heart rate and BP are good.

You may be bored by all these stats but I'm not; I love the fact that some of her readings are normal.

It was sort of slow in the ICU today but the nurses said as we were leaving that the 3rd floor where they have the telemetry patients (aka heart surgery patients) is full so many of them will come to the ICU. Vicky's nurse Kent said that ICU nurses don't like these kind of patients. "They want us to fetch for them when they turn on their light," said Kent. "We are not that kind of nurse." I laughed. It's always good to laugh in the ICU.

Kerry goes home tomorrow night. I have a flight set for a week from today. That, of course, is still tentative.

One person died last night in the ICU. I knew something was up when the whole family was there around her bed last night as we left; everyone looked really sad. I think it was a grandma who came in unconscious on a ventilator. This morning her bed was empty. There is very little space between life and death.

We still have too much food but we did find out that the wonderful soup that Theresa made has MSG in it so I can't have it. She is such a sweetheart; she's making another batch that I can eat. I just wish they would stop sending the desserts.

Time for more leftover Mac and Cheese. Thank you again for all your support.

Another Stable Day In The ICU

We went in a bit later this morning and discovered that her blood gas levels were up once again. Her CO2 is still declining, which is very good. Her heart rate is down to about 95. It had been as high as 115. Her oxygen level is good with the ventilator set at 90%. She had gotten down to 50% before her last surgery. We hope she can get back to that level. They are taking about a half-pound of fluid out of her each day with the dialysis. She's actually below the weight at which she came into the hospital.

Today they added yet another bag; this time it's phosphorous. The nurse told me what it did but I don't remember. They also have a monitor on her forehead to check for brain activity so they can make sure she is sedated enough. Because she is paralyzed they want to make sure she is comfortable because she couldn't tell us if she wasn't.

We went to Mike and Minna's house for a great spaghetti dinner tonight. We toasted Vicky at the start of dinner. We are home now and stuffed. Kerry is leaving on Tuesday evening. I will probably stay another week. Just can't be away from her right now. I want to continue to see slow but steady progress. Then I'll feel like I can leave.

Once again, Neil wants me to thank all of your for your continued prayers, energy and caring. It means a lot to all of us. We got another care package of food from people at Vicky's work; great homemade chicken wild rice soup, lettuce, Parker house rolls and then, are you read for this, apple pie, French Silk Pie and cinnamon streusal coffee cake. Yikes, Neil is going to have to roll me on the plain. I'm glad he can take this stuff to work where people there will devour it.

She's Stable

It was a roller coaster ride today that ended with good news and stability. The surgery she had on Wednesday really knocked her for a loop; it has taken her a while to recover but the good news is that she is.

I'm eating leftover Mac and Cheese (made from scratch) and having a glass of chardonnay (okay two glasses), but I've earned them.

My sister is amazingly strong. Somewhere inside her quiet body she is busy fighting this. Neil and I both spent time holding her hand and talking to her.

It's amazing and scary how you can become so used to all the beeps in the room. The dialysis machine is constantly beeping. A bag needs emptying or refilling or they just need to test to make sure it's working right. The redundancy's are very calming for me.

Dr. Hamm spoke with us this morning. Very attractive but very skinny. I found out from Vicky's day nurse that she is a triathlete. Probably helps relieve her stress level.

Vicky had an echo sonogram of her legs to look for blood clots and an echo cardiogram of her heart. Both were clear. That is a relief.

Back to the hospital tomorrow morning. We found out we can get a reduced parking rate because she has been in the hospital for so long. That will be nice. It will be $4 per day rather than $10 and you can go in and out as much as you want for the $4.

I know I'm not going home on Tuesday. I don't know what Kerry plans yet. The good news is that his last blood test showed his platelets at 37,000. We cheer for anything over 30,000. That's all the news on this Saturday night.

Another Day In The ICU

We went in a bit later today so we could go to an art store for Kerry so he could find something on which to draw. We got there about noon. It was a bit of a hard day, but resolved to the positive in the end.

She was fighting the ventilator when we got there. The fighting was wearing her out as she tried to breathe while the ventilator tried to do the same thing for her. They finally decided to paralyze her again. That helped enormously. Her blood oxygen went back into the 90s. This way she can use her energy to heal not to fight the ventilator.

No fever, white cell count is good, her weight is coming down again as they get fluids off of her from the surgery on Wednesday. Tomorrow she is going to get a new bed that rocks from side to side. This will keep her blood from clotting plus they won't have to move her as much to relieve pressure sores. It's like a very slow-motion hammock.

We are scheduled to go home on Tuesday, but I just don't see how I can leave her. We will see. The very negative lung doctor, Dr. McCauley, will be gone as of Monday. He's there on a one month fellowship. I didn't like him from the get go. He's very negative and has no bedside manner.

Tonight she has a male nurse named Kevin. He's very efficient but doesn't have the same warmth that the women do. I know that is sexist but I can't help myself. I want the best medical and emotional care for my sister.

We are not out of the woods yet.

The Toothbrush Episode

We had a good laugh in ICU today; that almost sounds like an oxymoron. Now that the intubation tube is out of her mouth and in her neck, the nurses can do a more thorough job of brushing her teeth. She had a great nurse today who has been an ICU nurse for 25 years. She calls herself an adrenaline junky.

Anyway Carol brushes Vicky's teeth with a small sponge covered with toothpaste at the end of a toothbrush-type handle. Today she put the toothbrush in Vicky's mouth and started scrubbing. Vicky clamped down on the toothbrush with her teeth and wouldn't let go. Carol, said "that's a good sign. She's in there and doesn't like what I'm doing." Carol did it several more times and she reacted the same way. It really relieved my stress to see her fight back. She needs to keep fighting.

Other good news today: her white cell count is up and she doesn't have a fever. She's still on ventomyocin (sp?). And she's getting six cans of liquid food every 24 hours. It's baby steps but they are steps.

As we were leaving the hospital today we heard "Code Blue on 3North." Vicky is on 2North. My heart went out to the poor family of that person, but I was so glad it wasn't Vicky. That's all for today. Neil is working again tomorrow so Kerry and I will be on duty.

Thank you all again for your kind words, thoughts, energy and prayers. They are working.

One More Step

We have been in Minneapolis for two days...it seems like forever. Seeing her with the all the tubes and machines was very hard. Kerry and I are really here to support her husband and kids. My view of that is to cook comfort food. I made tuna casserole tonight; that's about as basic as it gets. A crock pot recipe for the next two nights and then homemade made mac and cheese.

Vicky had more surgery today. It was hard to even think about that because her first surgery went so wrong. Today they did a tracheotomy (sp?) which will actually help her breathe better. It also allowed us to see her face. I stroked her cheek after surgery, ran my fingers through her hair and then held the one hand that does not have any lines running into it. They were going to close her stomach muscles but decided not to for the time being. We didn't get to see the surgeon because he had to go back into another operation.

The staff in the ICU are incredible; they really care for her. She has one nurse just for her. The nurse she had tonight always combs her hair. They move her often to avoid pressure sores and put lotion on her body to keep her skin moist. Because they did the trach, she can now have more and different things through the tube in her nose. It's also a smaller tube and in a different nostril. They can give her water and meds through the tube plus she continues to get nutrition which she is tolerating very well. Her stoma has healed well and her intestines are working.

When we left tonight the kidney doctor was hooking her up to the dialysis machine again. They removed that during surgery.

Her birthday is April 12th. I really hope I get to say happy birthday to her and hear her respond. We met some folks today in ICU who have been there for 4-1/2 weeks. I think we will beat their record because their family member goes to a respiratory rehab center on Friday.

The bright spot in the day came when we were in the hospital lobby during her surgery; we got to watch all the newborns go home. It helped balance what was happening for our family. And Kerry, well he has been just great. I couldn't do this without him.

People Are Wonderful

I was out running errands earlier today in the pouring rain. It's also really windy. My last stop was the scrapbook store. I was looking for a 5/8 inch hole punch to use in my newest applique block. You punch a hole in non-melt Mylar and then use it to make any circles in the applique. The circles are called yo-yos.

Somehow the sales clerk, who had been really helpful, and I started talking and before I knew it I had told her about my sister being in ICU. "Would you like her name added to our prayer group?" she asked. I was amazed. Here I am a total stranger and this woman is willing to pray for my sister whom she's never met. I readily agreed and told her we had other prayer groups, but one more would never hurt.

So that's my happy story for the day. I'm off to the quilt show to pick up my Mardi Gras quilt. I ordered a CD of all the quilts in the show so I can show all of you a few of the most amazing quilts.

She's Still Stable

Nothing much to report about Vicky, which is the good news. There is no bad news. She is still on dialysis and the ventilator. But lately the nurses have been asking about her hearing aid. Today the nurses talked to my brother about her hearing loss and what the best way is to talk to her. They have her hearing aid and glasses in the drawer next to her bed along with additional batteries.

Kerry and I are flying to Minneapolis next Tuesday to spend a week with my sister and family. My brother is still there. He's going home on Sunday. I left Minneapolis in 1971 and have only occasionally visited. The rule, which my family knows, is that I don't visit after Nov. 1 (well once in 1999) and I don't visit before May 1. As I'm sure you know it's after Nov. 1 and before May 1. I'm not even sure I know where my warm clothes are.

The good news about the weather is that it will be above zero all next week (even at night). This week it got down to 25 below zero. The only time I will be outside is when I go from the car to whatever building I'm entering. I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather.

Once again my brother-in-law said to thank everyone for their prayers and positive energy. I don't think it's time to stop, however. We still have a long way to go.

Great News

I think we have turned a corner. They stopped her paralytic drug today. The dialysis has taken 23 pounds of fluid out of her body. The number of breaths on the respirator has been reduced. Your prayers and energy have worked. Thank you.

Good News

Well, once again she bounced back. Her good health when she went into the hospital was so important; it has helped in so many ways. Plus my sister is very strong-willed, just like me. We don't give up easily.

Her collapsed lung re-inflated and her blood oxygen level is 100%. Her blood pressure is normal. They got another couple of liters of fluid out of her today thanks to the dialysis and the opening of her incisions. Gas that had built up in her belly was pressing down in her kidneys as well as making her belly swell. Now that the gas has been released her kidneys are doing much better but she will stay on dialysis. She received two units of whole blood today because her hemoglobin level was low.

So my goal is to get my sister to my son's wedding on Oct. 4th at the Grand Canyon. Everyone needs a goal; she can't set any right now so Neil and I have done it for her.

This means that your prayers and positive energy are working. If you could just keep it up for a while longer.... We are not out of the woods yet but I do think we see a clearing ahead.

Bleak

That's how things look right now. One of her lungs went flat and they had to insert a chest tube to reinflate it. Also her lungs are "stiff," which is probably why this happened. Plus the build up of air in her body required that they open her incision to release the pressure. My brother says you can see her intestines.

The dialysis continues to work. My brother is going to stay in Minneapolis for a few more days. We were going to leave for Palm Desert today but now that's on hold.

Keep praying.

It's Working

The dialysis is working. The type she is having does not take over her entire kidney function. I'm not sure I understand it very well, but I am glad that within an hour of starting she had filled an entire urine bag. Neil said he was never so happy to see pee.

Already her oxygen level in her blood is up and her blood pressure is more in the normal range. They are not trying to remove the fluid buildup that makes her look so puffy. That will come once they think the kidneys are working better and can handle it. Somehow they weighed her and she has 25 pounds of fluid in her.

So for tonight at least I will sleep better and feel a tiny bit optimistic. Thank you all for your support.

A Very Special Bouquet

This wonderful creation was sent to us by my brother and sister-in-law. It arrived yesterday when I was feeling especially low about my sister. The company that does this is Incredible Edibles (http://www.incredibleedibles.net ). The strawberries dipped in chocolate are especially tasty.

I just spoke with my brother-in-law. My sister is starting dialysis today. Her kidneys are not functioning as they should; they don't want fluid to build up in her abdominal cavity again so the dialysis is necessary. It will be continuous until her kidneys start doing a better job.

That just freaks me out. Neil, bless his heart, told me this was a positive thing. I should be comforting him and he's doing it for me. Good guy. He and my sister are just two years shy of their 40th wedding anniversary.

So keep praying and sending energy.

My Brother-in-Law Thanks You

Neil wanted me to let all of you know how much he and Vicky appreciate the prayers and positive energy you have sent their way. He thinks it's pretty wonderful that people who don't know either of them will write such wonderful thoughts and keep them in their prayers. I already know how special all of you are. He's learning.

The litany of her health woes is long and scary: lung infection, on ventilator with nebulizer attached still trying to keep her lungs inflated even when she exhales, kidneys not doing well, sedated and paralyzed so she can recover, on antibiotics... I sort of lost count. Her blood pressure was too low but that seems to have responded well to medication.

They have started physical therapy for her so her muscles don't atrophy. They are especially concerned about something called "dropped foot." When you are sedated and paralyzed as she is, your feet drop and your achilles is shortened. To prevent that from being permanent, she is wearing a boot with a hard sole that keeps her feet in a position that extends the tendon. Plus they move her around so she doesn't get pressure sores.

My brother and his wife were there today. My brother said he couldn't call me until he stopped sobbing.

Right this moment my son is playing at Carnegie Hall with the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra. I would like to have been there but I just couldn't do it; I have to stay close to Kerry. He is my rock in good times and bad.

I feel sick to my stomach and sort of spacey. I'm getting through this by counting each hour that she is alive as proof that she will make it. Please keep praying and sending energy. She is my baby sister and I don't want to lose her. And thank you from the entire family for your support.

Doing Just Okay, Fabric Helps

Nothing bolsters my spirits like writing about, reading about and touching fabric. I find I'm having trouble concentrating today. My thoughts are with my sister in the ICU in Minneapolis, but I'm here and feel pretty helpless. So I went to the web site for my favorite quilt shop and looked at upcoming classes. The pillow here is a class taught by Rami Kim. She uses a Korean method for folding fabric to make quilts, wearable art and pillows three dimensional. This pillow is just plain beautiful plus I want to learn these folding methods. So March 14th I will be in class with her for six hours and make this pillow.

My Sister

After four hours of surgery, she is in the ICU; intubated and drugged for a while until she can recover. She's on antibiotics due to the leakage from the original joining of the colon. The doctor took out some more of her colon. I'm worried about the infection because I've read all kinds of things about MRSA. I'm hoping Blogauthor will be of help here. She knows this stuff.

I am so relieved that she survived the surgery. Don't stop praying and sending energy yet. She still needs all she can get. I told my brother-in-law to whisper in her ear tomorrow that I love her. It's something I need her to know. We have not always had the most pleasant of relationships.

So, I'm off to bed now. My bookgroup was here during all of this, and we actually had a great discussion thanks to Jan who took care of it all. I was a basket case. Our dessert was sugar-free ice cream (vanilla and cookies and cream) with homemade biscotti (not made in my home but made by my friend Linda's husband Tony).

That's all for today. She is alive, and I'm so greatful for that.

My Sister

She went back into surgery at 2 p.m. Pacific time. Fluid was building up in her abdominal cavity, which was making it very difficult for her to breath. I'm a wreck. My poor brother-in-law is a triple double wreck. Prayers and energy are urgently needed. That's all.

Worry And Stubbornness

Well, my sister is having a hard time with her recovery from her colon surgery. The good news is the nodule was a nano-second away from being cancerous but it wasn't. Yippee. Everything around the nodule was clean.

She is just really having a hard time recovering. My family is known for its stubbornness; we are not proud of that but we are a stubborn Norwegian/Irish lot. To give you a frame of reference. I had knee surgery when I was 16. I was supposed to move my leg afterward. This was 1961 so they didn't have all these fancy computerized things to move your leg whether you wanted to or not. I said it hurt to move it and wouldn't do it. The orthopedist came in and told me I had to move it. I said no. He moved it, I screamed and my father, who was there, punched him. I felt vindicated; the doctor was pissed and my father felt he'd done the right thing. Many years later I can tell you I should have moved my leg. I have very limited mobility in that knee and it's all due to my stubbornness. Back to my sister.

The big issue for my sister is getting out of bed and walking. She was worried about falling so didn't. Her lungs began to collapse which caused her to breath shallowly which caused her to panic. My brother, sister and I are asthmatics so not being able to breath is a big deal.

Plus she couldn't keep anything down so wasn't taking her anti-anxiety drugs. Yesterday they finally gave her the drugs intravenously plus they put a tube down her nose to her stomach to get rid of the toxic mixture that had built up there.

I had that tube to the stomach procedure when I had complications after a gall bladder operation a few years ago. It is an awful procedure, but the relief is practically instantaneous. I was in the emergency room when it was done (I digress). The nurse who did it asked Kerry if he wanted to stay. He said yes, held my hand, stroked my back and whispered calming words. What a guy. After that he went to move the car, which was in a limited time parking area. The nurse said to me, "Is he your husband?" I said no; she said, "he's a keeper; most guys are out of the room at the mention of the procedure." I kept him.

Back to my sister. So today she finally walked a bit. She still has not eaten. Surgery was last Wednesday. Until she eats and shows that her colon is working, she cannot go home. There is a family wedding next Friday that I know she wants to attend. Right now her husband Neil says he will go with their youngest son Adam.

Meanwhile I found out that my cousin Dennis' wife Carole has a bad case of Shingles. She's in a lot of pain and spending a good portion of her day in bed. She's supposed to be at the same wedding next Friday but has to fly to Minneapolis from Naples, FL to get there.

Things are not looking good for the wedding.

The good news is that Kerry and I are healthy and happy; the sun has shown for several days and tomorrow I go to my quilt guild meeting. But, as you can tell, the rest of the family needs some prayers, positive energy and a lot of crossed digits.

Back To Normal

Yes, I'm feeling much better. The food/wine hangover did pass as they always do. Luckily Kerry found a home for the huge, multi-layered chocolate chocolate cake from Costco. One of our guests brought it to the party. Everyone had some; then we were faced with this delicious thing which neither Kerry or I need. So Kerry took it to our polling place on Tuesday and they were very glad to see it.

I sure wish that Super Tuesday had been more definitive (I'm a Hillary supporter; if you don't like her don't send me any ugly mail).

My sister had her surgery yesterday for the pre-cancerous nodule in her colon. Everything went well. The doctor said it didn't look "nasty;" his word not mine. Now we just have to wait for the pathology report.

Unlike so many surgeries these days, she will be in the hospital for a few days so they can make sure that her digestive system works. I hadn't thought about that. They took out two inches of her colon; a little on either side of the nodule just to make sure. I was pretty nervous all day waiting to hear from my brother-in-law. Turns out the surgery was delayed for a couple of hours due to the person in the operating room before her. My brother is in Denmark on business and had to go to bed before we knew the outcome. He found out this morning with my e-mail.

So thank you all for your prayers and positive energy. Once again it did the trick. Don't skip those colonoscopies. The prep is worse than the exam.

We had lots of veggies left over from our party so I made a soup with potatoes and leeks (not left over), red peppers, cauliflower, carrots and corn (also not left over). I cooked the veggies in chicken broth and a little leftover wine, whirred it up in the Cuisinart, added some cream, salt and pepper, and we had soup. Kerry bought some really good crusty bread to dunk. Delicious and healthy dinner.

It's treadmill day and then on to some more quilting. The sun is shining and I feel great.

The Day After The Super Bowl

I feel like shit...I got up at 7:30 and was back in bed by 9:30 and never quite got up for very long until about 4:30. I didn't even feel like quilting. Before I get any further in the description of my woes, I am really glad the underdog won. That actually may be why they won; nothing to lose. Besides, the Patriots had a great run so get over it.

Anyway, we had our usual Super Bowl party complete with Kerry's great homemade chili plus all kinds of appetizers. Missing this year were the chocolate martinis, which is probably a good thing. I guess I drank a lot of chardonnay and I ate all kinds of rich appetizers plus a large piece of a four layer chocolate cake from Costco. For a split second this morning I felt great. It was sunny, no rain and clear skies. I hadn't been up more than a few minutes when I knew that this day would go down in history as a wine/food hangover day. I had planned to get on the treadmill for my usual 45 minutes. Didn't happen. It's now evening and I'm beginning to feel human again. Getting older makes it harder to party hardy. Next year, veggies and one glass of wine...who am I kidding. Anyway, I had fun and our company was great.

Honesty

Had lunch with a wonderful friend today. We've known each other forever. When you are 63, that is a long time.

I have know for a long time that she was unhappy in her marriage; maybe even longer than she's known. We skirted the edges of her unhappiness at birthday lunches but never really acknowledged the elephant in the corner. I just didn't have the courage to tell her that I knew how much pain she was in and that I thought she should throw the bastard out.

Today she sort of came clean and told me how awful it is. I told her that I knew from the very beginning of the marriage that she was going to be made to feel unimportant and not very bright. She is none of those things. I did beat her in a spelling bee in 6th grade but that was the last time I beat her.

Her situation reminded me so much of my marriage. In my husband's eyes I couldn't do anything right. With the help of a wonderful therapist I finally began to discover that I'm okay; it's the other person who is struggling with self esteem. In order to feel good, he had to put me down.

I think my friend began to see a glimmer of hope today. It's going to be tough for her and I don't know what the end will be, but I feel good about the honesty I showed her today.

Say a prayer for her; she will need it.

The Cat In The Hat, Um, I Mean Grocery Bag

Nora, cat on the left, probably gave up one of her nine lives this morning. Kerry and I thought it was funny, but I don't think she did.

Here's what happened. She was in Kerry's office playing with a grocery bag, the kind with thin rope handles. She got her head caught in one of the loops and panicked. She tore out of Kerry's office careening off everything in her way as she tried to escape the bag that she thought was chasing her. She finally dove under my desk and dashed through my legs. I closed them on the bag to stop it and she kept going. I found her in the sitting room curled up on top of Georgio who was inside his little furry bed, which is made for one. She stuck to him like glue for most of the day.

This photo is of them sleeping together in my sewing room. He finds a place to sleep, she finds him and pushes her way in no matter how small the space. He tolerates it.

My Sewing Room Overfloweth

I've decided to get another table that will go in front of my current sewing table, which I used to call my desk. I need more room for my projects. From left to right on the wall they are: Mardi Gras quilt entered in the Guild quilt show the end of February (needs more feathers), appliqued hearts quilt (needs a label which I have already designed but not printed), blocks for the wedding quilt, block of the month (big star) for one quilt shop, my coffee cup quilt top and under the big star, my first applique block for a quilt. On my sewing table I have my hand quilting hoop. I took a class in that yesterday and really enjoyed it. The teacher did a good job of passing on her skills to us. There's a big roll of freezer paper between the file cabinet and my waste basket. It's perfect for applique. I also found out that blue painter's tape, especially the thin stuff, is excellent for making straight lines when you are hand quilting. It doesn't leave any residue on the fabric.

Thanks to all of you bloggers, my family and friends, I have managed to continue my birthday for almost an entire week. I got two more birthday cards yesterday via snail mail. My brother and his wife sent one of those musical cards. The song was "Age of Aquarius;" how perfect for an Aquarius.

It's another rainy day so I'm going to sew and quilt. Dinner is already in the crock pot; I love crock pots. It's filled with beef short ribs, chunks of banana squash (peeled), red wine, Worcestershire sauce, four cloves of diced garlic, chunks of onion and salt and pepper. When it's done I take the bones out and serve it over rice. It's a good rainy day meal plus it makes great leftovers.

That reminds me, we had our favorite meat market visit us on my birthday. We buy a lot of our meat from Bob at nearby Coffee Pot Ranch. He raises beef, lamb and pork without hormones or antibiotics. The animals get to live out their lives in normal conditions, not in a feedlot. Usually I get meat from him at various farmers' markets but in the winter there aren't many of them around so he called to see what we needed. We got a porterhouse steak which was big enough for the two of us, two packages of short ribs (one is in the crock pot), two packages of the yummiest bacon we've ever had, two packages of ground beef for Kerry's Super Bowl chili, and one package of pork chops. It's nice to have the meat market visit. He did confess during his visit that he has a Big Mac periodically even though he knows it's not good for him.

I've been meaning to mention a blog that I really like: http://www.dooce.com Heather Armstrong is the blogger; she lives in Salt Lake City but long ago gave up the Mormon church. She's funny and sacrilegious. Every month she writes a letter to her daughter (Leta is nearly four) about what has happened in her daughter's life during the past month. She has a picture each day of Chuck and now Coco (her dogs). Great photos. Give her a try.

Reflections on Getting One Year Older

My friend Turtle Doug sent me this photo for my birthday. He loves three things, Apple computers, Ms. Kate and me. So it was only fitting that Ms. Kate be posed in front of the Apple Campus sign. I think he still loves his wife but that's another story that I won't tell here.

So, how is it being 63, which I actually will not be for another 10 minutes. I was born on Jan. 24 at 6:20 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. That's 8:20 p.m. Central Standard Time in Minneapolis. When you are younger you always want to be older. When you are older you hold out to the last second before adding that extra year.

I really like the age I am. My sister and I agree that after a certain point in your life you stop using those magnifying mirrors that hotels often have. I'm convinced that the reason our eyesight goes as we get older is that we don't really need to see things that clearly. We understand life at a level that doesn't have to be seen under a microscope or through bifocals.

While these years have been great, some of the best years of my life were spent being a mother to a wonderful son, Mark. His dad always worked nights so Mark and I spent a lot of time together. He's a remarkable young man and I take a lot of credit for that. Julia is a lucky woman to have found him, and he's a lucky man to have found her.

Kerry left a card on my keyboard last night after I went to bed. He has an incredible ability to say the most wonderful things on occasions like this and actually most occasions. His message inside the card read, "Life is full of choices -- you are mine." That's the man with whom I intend to spend the rest of my life. He also bought me an incredibly beautiful handcrafted wooden jewelry box for all the jewels he has bestowed on me over the past years.

We are having Chinese takeout tonight; my choice. The weather is not nice (by California standards) so I'd rather send him out for food than have to go too. Sunday night we will celebrate our seventh anniversary at a wonderful new restaurant that serves only local meats that do not have hormones or antibiotics. The cattle, chickens, pigs and lambs are allowed to graze in a natural environment.

Okay it's 6:20 p.m. PST so I'm officially 63, and I still feel great.

I start my 64th year as a quilter. A year ago I would not have imagined such a thing. I am besotted with fabric. Today I began cutting out the blocks for the wedding quilt. With each stitch I offer a blessing for a wonderful and long life for Julia and Mark.

I have received numerous birthday greetings from family, friends and fellow bloggers; all of them have warmed my heart. One of my favorites was from Blogauthor; the photo was of her young son holding a cupcake with a lit candled that spiraled upward. She swears they sang Happy Birthday to me. Her son lost his first tooth recently so his smile is especially captivating. He may lose the others just in time for fresh corn season.

That's all my thoughts for today. Life is good.

Christmas Is Finally Over

This morning the last of the Christmas decorations went to the top shelves of my walk-in closet. I know it's Jan. 22nd, but I was so caught up in quilting that I just didn't feel the need to de-decorate the house.

Kerry took the tree down this morning and stored the sections of it in the box. Now that's a weird statement for someone who assiduously had real trees for years. Nora, our youngest cat, valiantly tried to eat a bit more of the fake needles after Kerry had put it in the box. The tree was up a lot longer than I thought it would be. Mark and Julia were here after Christmas so that's why I kept it up then. But now...well, I really liked the way it looked with all the lights blazing. Nothing worse than a Christmas tree that is unlit. I'm sure the cows in the field behind us were a bit perplexed by the extended Christmas season. They had done their manger gig a long time ago.

Today we both agreed that it was better to have a full view out the northern window in the great room than to have the tree glistening.

I have to report that our lower pond has become waterfowl central the likes of which we have not seen in a few years. We have wood ducks (my personal favorite for a duck beauty pageant), common mergansers who love to torment the Great White Heron and the Snowy Egret, the belted Kingfisher, the great blue heron and the occasional otter who disturbs the hell out of just about everybody on the pond.

It's going to rain for the next ten days, which is just fine with me. Kerry is fixing dinner for us; that's a new twist. That means I have to clean up which will be just fine because I'm sort of burned out on cooking.

I've started reading a new book thanks to Tentpegs, another blogger. It's called "Not Wanted On The Voyage" a modern day look at the whole Noah thing by Tim Findley. So far it is a book I can't put down. Canadian writers, of which Findley is one, don't get much publicity in the lower 48. I'll keep you posted on how I like it but so far I see it as a metaphor for global warming although it was written long before the polar bears had to worry about ice floes in Canada.

Dinner is ready so I'd better stop now.