I'm Not A Shrinking Violet....

You may be wondering how this relates to Costa Rica; well it does. We flew U.S. Airways from Sacramento to Phoenix and then on to Costa Rica. The plane was a bit late leaving Sacramento due to some mechanical difficulties. We were in first class thanks to tons of frequent flier miles. I have spent 99.9% of my flying life in coach, but now I'm an instant first class snob.

So anyway, the plane was delayed. All of a sudden this man appears from the back of the bus with concerns about whether he will make his connection in Phoenix to Cabo San Lucas. He claims he has a gig down there at a resort and he needs to be there. Can the flight attendants please get the red-haired gate agent for him so he can check on other flights? I'm immediately pissed. Self-important men or for that matter self-important people really piss me off.

Now Kerry and I could miss our connection, but I'm thinking well if we do we will just deal with it. That's the way I deal with life. But this fellow just goes on and on about the importance of being in Cabo that night. He throws in the fact that he is a citizen of three countries: Mexico, U.S. and Canada. Dykewife I'm sure this is someone you definitely don't want singing "Oh Canada."

Finally I can't take it anymore. I said, "there are lots of people on this plane with connections so just relax." He then used the word that pisses me off so much. He called me "honey." I immediately said, don't call me honey. He ignored me and continued on with the honey this and honey that. Finally he said you know I have to be in Cabo. I replied that I had to be in San Jose, Costa Rica and which was more important. I could see the two flight attendants wondering if they were going to have to break up a fist fight between the two of us. Kerry just kept reading his magazine. I have a low tolerance for assholes. This guy just pushed all my buttons.

He also wanted to know if he could be the first off the plane so he could make his flight. There were 120 people going to Cabo. In the end he was one of the last people off the flight and he went to the wrong gate. We saw him as he was being driven on one of those old people/handicapped carts to his proper gate. The guy was so driven to get to his flight that he didn't even get the gate number right. And Phoenix is a huge airport where you can walk for what seems like endless miles.

The next leg of our flight was so wonderful. We had Meg Ryan as our flight attendant in First Class. She looked like her, acted like her but was slightly older. I asked for a glass of white wine. In coach that's what you do. You say red or white; never specify any further. She brought out a bottle of chardonnay to show me. "Will this do?" I was startled by the sight of a regular wine bottle and by her question. She then brought me a real wine glass made of glass and poured some for me.

She also had a neat trick for the restroom; put a packet of coffee on the hook on the door and everything will smell better. What a gal.

Just so you know that I'm not a long term snob; we are flying Southwest Airlines next month to New York for my nephews college graduation. Southwest has one class; everyone is the same. You rarely run into assholes on their flights. Once again I have Rapid Reward tickets so Kerry and I fly free. One of the perqs of being a consultant. All those flights for clients translate into free trips. That's one part of retirement that I will miss.