Monday, December 11, 2006

Mourning

A week ago today Comet was still alive, albeit, barely. But I could hold her warm body as we took a tour of the property. Having her gone has been such an adjustment. I got on an airplane not long after we carried her body to the vet for cremation. I went from a world of caring and mourning to a world of airport security. I wanted to say to everyone, I just lost my cat, you have to be patient with me. That, however, would have just gotten me in the wrong line and probably a full body search. So I pretended like everything was just fine. I think that's what a lot of people in mourning do. A while back I read a study in which they asked people how long you should mourn. The average of all the responses was three weeks. I was astounded, but then I realized that mourning makes people uncomfortable. Nobody wants to think about death, but it happens regardless of whether it's a cat or your wife. My relationship with Comet, which lasted 15+ years, may be the longest relationship of my life, except for my son and brother and sister. So I'm going to mourn my own way. It will be unhurried. Some days I will be out of sorts as my grandmother used to say. But a companion of 15 years deserves that.

I took her food to a local cat rescue group called Fieldhaven. It was gratefully received. I looked at the cats at Fieldhaven with total disinterest. The volunteer understood my disinterest. She told me to come back when I'm ready. She recognized the grieving process. I guess what I'm saying here is it's okay to grieve in your own time regardless of what others may think. A life of 15 years deserves more than three weeks or three years. It's all in the needs of the person who has just lost a loved one.

The man with whom I live lost his wife to cancer six years ago. We still celebrate Jane's birthday and their wedding anniversary with his tears and my comforting him. The past is important. So I will remember Comet in her bad days and good days. You probably don't know this but she loved mayonaisse and she loved to cuddle. I miss her terribly.

2 comments:

dykewife said...

empathies and sympathies.

doug Fowley said...

I am really sorry to hear of Comet's death. I only saw her once but I know much you girl meant to you. Kate and I are very sorry. love d and k